hbilly's LiveJournal

NIGHT OF THE DRIBBLER (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
cheese-o-meter ##### verdict: RENTAL

A struggling college basketball team is shattered by violent accidents and deaths of their best players. A masked killer in team clothing seems responsible, and waterboy Stan finally gets his chance to prove himself in an important game.

Canadian comedy that was shelved for 19 years and is now available for the first time on DVD. No time to rejoice because Night of the Dribbler isn't some long lost classic. It is actually kind of dumb and not very amusing except for a few minor scenes. Shot on video that doesn't look like video with screaming colors and the occasional vhs-like drop out, this silly slasher spoof is offering very mild slasher action and the kills aren't even memorable. All this wasn't horribly bad or annoying, but wasn't great either.

Stuff: electrocution, decapitated head, hand chop, slow motion basketball game, shower scene, Chainsaw-fu, Michael Jackson spoofing.

PALE BLOOD (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
cheese-o-meter ##### verdict: WORTHY

The city is terrorized by a Serial Killer draining blood of it's victims. Out of personal interest visiting Michael Fury (George Chakiris) does a little snooping with the help from local girl and Vampire buff Lori (Pamela Ludwig). Video Artist Van Vandameer (Wings Hauser) enters the scene with actual footage of a Vampire caught on film. Soon enough Van Vandameer accuses Michael Fury of being the Vampire, while suspicion point toward Van Vandameer being the blood draining Serial Killer. A confrontation seems unavoidable ...

Snazzy Blood Sucker Thriller that borrows from The Lost Boys (1987) and Fright Night (1985) in only one scene. The rest tries to be inventive but doesn't always succeed. Still a solid effort with a fine over-the-top performance by Wings Hauser, neat visuals and the occasional blood letting.

Stuff: psychic connection, pop-up tent coffin, cool Sybil Danning cameo, airport paging-fu, egg-fu, levitating Vampire, radio intermissions, breast biting, annoying pop/rock new wave band.

FUTURE ZONE (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
cheese-o-meter ##### verdict: RENTAL

Bounty Hunter John Tucker (David Carradine) is back, disinfecting the city from mischief and filth:

"You have the right to die"

This time John is giving some Mob boss a hard time, but John is not alone - Billy (Ted Prior) is his new helping hand. Billy came from the future to save his unsuspecting Father, John.

FUTURE ZONE has more explosions to offer than its predecessor but not much more. Meaning, Tucker's flying fist of iron is sadly underused. Director David A. Prior brought back his trademark sucker punch though, plus we get his brother Ted Prior sporting a tacky fishnet shirt. Bad shirts aside, Ted is still god - immortalized for eternity thanks to DEADLY PREY (1988). Hungry for more? Watch Ted's Acting Demo Reel and sniffle!

Stuff: exploding building, exploding car, exploding house, exploding helicopter, fistfight, car chase, shoot out, sucker punch, pregnant wife-fu, van-jolting, Polaroid mutilation, Russian roulette, gratuitous topless massage.

GHOUL SCHOOL (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
cheese: 5/5 fun: 1.5/5 suck: 3.5/5 sex: 0/5 violence: 4/5 thumbs: down

Weekend ruined. Its Friday and toxic fumes are turning the swim team at school into blue faced, gnarling ghouls. Two nerdy horror geeks try their best to prevent toothy terror but to no avail. A nuclear bomb might settle things and wipe the flesh eating plague once and for all.

I guess the makers watched RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985) once too often. GHOUL SCHOOL wants to be this little cool Troma-esque copy but it's just stupid and silly. A shoddy b-failure that has a cult following of some sorts. And I wonder why.

Stuff: eye-poking, axe-fu, green goo spill, limb-tearing, unfunny jokes, neck-biting, bad basketball coach, worst wig, death-by-tv, tortured fat janitor.

SKINNED ALIVE (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
cheese: 4.5/5 fun: 3/5 suck: 2.5/5 sex: 0.5/5 violence: 4.5/5 thumbs: up

Halloween ruined. On October the 31st a demented family of maniacal maniacs seek shelter in a small town because of car trouble. The Manson-like crazies are Natural Born Killers butchering people at any given chance. Neighbor Paul Hickox might be a potential next victim but his anger is fueled due to a nasty divorce - and when the going gets tough Paul grabs a rifle to unleash frustration.

Comedy with heaps of gore, lame jokes, campy acting, terrible audio and bad editing. In other words, this was much more enjoyable than the similar Horror House On Highway Five (1985).

Stuff: face-slapping, head-split, guts-spill, bad dinner scene, hammer-fu, axe-fu, machete-fu, finger-cutting, puking, striptease, head-shot, face-kicking.

TOP COP (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs Sideways

People beware when Victor Malone is in town. Vic is a top cop on a mission to avenge the death of his beloved partner. The murderer is a cruel crime lord and Vic starts the punishment by beating the crap out of his little brother.

Trigger-happy Crown International production about tough detectives, slutty babes and bad guys. The corny comes in form of Stephen P. Sides playing Vic, the Macho Cop. Big and chubby fellow with crooked teeth and no acting skills whatsoever. Come to think of it, none of the entire cast actually has "movie star" quality. It's like they gathered friends and neighbors and asked them to be in a movie. TOP COP didn't entirely stink but it sure was a wasted cheese opportunity.

Stuff: Vic having sex with slut, nightmare, exploding cars, Vic getting his ass kicked, slapping, interrogation-fu, spitting, beer-spill, falling asleep, peppered-with-bullets-dance, multiple shootouts, countless dead bodies, screaming boss.

CLICK (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs up

Once traumatized as a kid, now turned into a cross-dressing (Nurse outfit!) serial killer stalking fashion models on a remote farm. A photo session displaying modern day violence becomes reality when said killer arrives at said farm with an arsenal of weapons.

This is not your average Slasher. Most of the plot consists of young women posing for the camera with the photographer trying to trigger hidden expressions and emotions from the models. This takes up about a hour. The final 20 minutes belong to the crazy psychopath in drag running about singing nursery rhymes. There are a few splotches of cheese but CLICK is not overly hilarious. Still a fun little slash 'n' hacker nonetheless.

Stuff: chainsaw-fu, excessive posing, pool party, hanging, shooting, exploding cars, foot chase, saran wrap suffocation, throat-slashing, fistfight, motorcycle stunt, death-by-blowpipe, bitchy super model.

KARATE ROCK (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs up

Kevin is the new guy in town and falls for Kim. Kim is Jeff's girlfriend so Jeff beats up Kevin. Kevin learns Karate and beats up Jeff. And now for the cheese:

Karate Kid (1984) was obviously a big inspiration ... but who am I kidding. It's a rip-off right down to the old Asian master teaching Kevin the moves.

KARATE ROCK is a Italian production filmed in America so you'll get the best in worst dubbing. Amusing bad audio that will roll up your toenails from start to finish.

"Rock Competition" is not what you think it is. I thought it was a battle of metal bands, but get this - a "Rock Competition" is a dance contest where teens shake their butts to crappy instrumental synth-muzak.

"Super Race!" is an exciting event where young townsfolk race each other in their cars. You would think such a big happening called "Super Race!" would last at least 15 minutes? Nope, not even two minutes. How super.

"Tunnel of Death" sounds scary eh? Jeff challenges Kevin to a car race through a tunnel. When they zip through a wall of very thin corrugated sheet iron at the exit Jeff's face is miraculously bruised. The car or the windshield has no visible damages.

Other things that KARATE ROCK taught me ...

~ When you are the son of a cop its a bad move to sit in the backseat of your daddy's cop car. It makes you look guilty.

~ You can easily avoid speeding tickets by telling the officer that your father served in Vietnam.

~ When tucking your long hair underneath a cap you can fool everyone by saying that you actually cut your hair.

Enjoyable trash with badly choreographed fights and stiff acting, especially from Dorian D. Field playing Conny - Kevin's nerdy but pretty (in disguise) neighbor. She behaves and does all sorts of silly and head-shaking stupid things to get his attention. My kinda gal. Also, look out for Fulci regular David Warbeck as Kevin's cop-daddy.

BLOOD GAMES (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs up

Dominating a game of baseball against rednecks doesn't come without risks. Especially when the winning team are a hot, all-female troop and the rednecks sore losers. After a dispute about the prize money one redneck accidentally ends up dead between two trash cans. Revenge is the name of the new game and Babe & the Ballgirls must drive for their lives in their bus across hillbilly county.

For every sexist remark coming from the primate backwoodser director Tanya Rosenberg makes them pay twice. The girls, equipped with baseball bats, are having a field day bashing their brains in or kicking their nuts to mush. Rightfully so. BLOOD GAMES is an action-filled survival-thriller set in the great outdoors. Babelicious and drool-worthy B-stuff, but also a ferocious and amusing tale of female vengeance molded in a layer of kick-ass badness. Loved it.

LOCK N LOAD (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs up

Ex-Vietnam soldiers turn into thieving, brain-dead assassins committing suicide after they received a phone call with the message "Lock and Load". Ex-Nam soldier Paul is fearing to be triggered next, so he hooks up with the wife of a War buddy who just robbed a bank and blew himself to pieces. Investigations lead to an old friend who's running a somewhat shady business. Could he be the one who brainwashed and hypnotized soldiers in a moment of weakness, so they would do his deadly bidding?

Director David A. Prior - who's efforts in cheese includes KILLER WORKOUT (1986), MANKILLERS (1987), OPERATION WARZONE (1988) and DEADLY PREY (1988) gives us his most ambitious work so far. More of a Thriller/Drama with moments of Mystery and Action, LOCK N LOAD shines with a well thought out plot and more or less decent acting. Suffering from extreme tight budget though, so that might be a turn off.

HARD TO DIE (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs up

Inventory can be a dirty bitch. Five young women must spend a Saturday afternoon at the Lingerie department located in a high rise building counting dusty stock in the cellar. The job starts to get creepy when a wrongfully send package with evil content arrives, causing death and confusion among the ladies - it seems that one of the girls might be possessed by the spirit of a dead serial killer! Or is the killer actually caretaker Orville Ketchum, once a suspect in the grisly Hokstedter sorority house murders that took place one year earlier?

Hokstedter? Orville? Yep, HARD TO DIE is a spin off of SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE II (1990) reuniting most of the original cast in yet another tale of half naked babes in peril. This time around the laughs are intended as director Jim Wynorski goes the straight comedy route with a touch of parody poking fun at beloved horror cliches: boobs that squeak when touched, girls taking showers simply to show skin, girls walking around in lingerie simply because. Even more fun when the action goes TERMINATOR in the final act - chicks and machine guns, always a winning combination.

KILL CRAZY (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs up

A group of mental ill men and their two (pot smoking) nurses are on a camping trip cruising the country side in their van. For some reason the two nurses think it's good therapy to unleash a hired troupe of paintball shooting weekend warriors on the mentally challenged. What should've been a colorful event turns into a blood-red struggle for survival when the paintball shooters use real bullets on their wacky prey.

Don't Mess With The Cuckoo's Nest: Outdoors action with shades of a mad Rambo starring David Heavener. Who is Heavener? IMDb Trivia: Not only a martial artist but also a composer and performer of Christian music. He also wrote the script and directed this pretty cool and entertaining piece of low budget fodder. Heavener plays mental patient Puckett, a man who once served in Nam but couldn't take it. His killer and survival instincts are triggered once he is the hunted though. Expect corny theme song, shootings, man to man combat, explosions, throat-slashing, hangings, roasted wieners and Dopamine prescriptions.

DEAD GIRLS (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs up

Nancy Napalm, Bertha Beirut, Lucy Lethal and Cynthia Slain are the Dead Girls. A grungy alternative rock group with shades of The Bangles in Goth about to make it big - a fact that causes bickering among the ladies. To sell out or not is the question here, and maybe a two week vacation spent at a remote cabin will solve indifferences. Once the girls arrive at the cabin things start to get even more complicated. As in members popping up dead one by one, mutilated by a masked murderer. Soon enough the Dead Girls will be dead girls for real.

Never seen this gem before but I'm glad I finally did. About 75% of this cheesy Slasher is in your face funny: bad overacting, bad lines, bad hair and bad dreams. The kind that wakes you up screaming. Apparently the filmmakers were impressed by the waking-up-screaming bit that they had to insert the exact same bit into the ending of other nightmares several times.

"...and get that bitch out of here!"

Thrilling slice & dice action not to be missed. Sadly not available on DVD but those with the right connections should know where to find it.

DEADLY MANOR (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs Sideways

Inspired by actual events that took place in Spain back in the 1970s. The true story was about a man who lost his wife in a car accident. He kept the wreck in his garage, somewhat like a shrine, and would sit in the smashed car among shattered glass and blood stained seats and play the radio.

The movie expands said scenario into a teen-slasher. Six young people and one hitch-hiker on a camping trip are stranded in an old creepy house deep in the woods on a stormy night. They are not alone, soon to be stalked and killed by a maniac.

I was expecting cheese since this was a Spanish movie directed by José Ramón Larraz (who gave us the controversial BLACK CANDLES). The dubbing was very good and so was the first half of the movie. However, the murders are poorly executed plus the film lost a great deal of steam in it's final half. Which sucks, because with a little more effort this could've been a fun Slasher. What's left is a movie with a great start/build-up followed by a disappointing final act.

SUDDEN THUNDER (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs up

Sudden Laughter would be the more appropriate title. It's been awhile since I actually laughed out loud SEVERAL TIMES during a movie. All thanks to Andrea Lamatsch, an actor from Austria who somehow found her way to America to be part in a cheap exploitation epic. How Hervorragend! But let's start from the beginning.

Patricia Merrill (Andrea Lamatsch) is a sweet/tough female cop from Miami. Going undercover posing as a night club singer and actually SINGING is one of her many skills. The other is kicking men in the crotch. So one fine day her Daddy is killed and a grieving Pat goes investigating. He was murdered in some small southern town and folks there don't appreciate her crotch-kicking, er, snooping about. Pat calls for back up and shortly after four of her bad-ass cop colleagues arrive at the scene. Things get messy though, when our troupe from Miami interfere with a drug trade. And let me tell you, Pat ain't done kicking crotches until the murderer of her father is on his knees clutching his balls.

I'm still laughing typing this. Andrea is a blessing and pure joy to watch. Besides that I first thought she might be retarded too, because I really had a hard time understanding what she was saying in the movie. It's the Arnold Schwarzenegger accent, but only worse. That and the fact that she is a bad actor reading her lines from a very bad script. Comedic gold, I tell ya.

SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE 2 (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs up

Doomed!

The old creepy Hochstadter place is made into a sorority house by five sizzling college girls. Nothing wrong with that except that Hochstadter sliced and diced quite a few people at the very same place five years ago.

Spooked!

How to spend the evening when it's raining and thundering outside? Channel Hochstadter's spirit with a Ouija board! Never mind the planchette flying by itself into the open fire, though. "The house got struck by lightning, charging items. Or something". Yeah. Right.

Murder!

Rule #1 when spending a stormy night in an old house with the ghost of a serial killer equipped with a hook wandering about: stroll around alone in your underwear! If that won't get you killed then I don't know what will.

Boobs!

One must keep the audience happy and fulfil the obligatory nudity quota so all girls must bare it at some point. Extra boobs provided by a stretching subplot with a detective investigating in a strip club. Special appearance by the legendary Savannah (RIP).

Cheese!

This was made before Jim Wynorski's movies started to suck, thank god. Sorority House Massacre 2 is a fun time waster scooping out of the budget barrel of corny textbook Slasher cliches we all love, appreciate and can't get enough of. My fave character is Orville Ketchum, a man who must die more violent deaths than committed in the entire film - only to be told at the very end that he's still not dead.

THE INVISIBLE MANIAC (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs up

A brilliant but crazy scientist creates a serum that makes him invisible. He uses his new powers to kill anybody who has ever done him wrong. And to play peeping tom on pretty young high school girls in the shower.

Part old school "mad scientist" movie homage, part slasher filmed on a tight budget with elements of comedy played straight. Add the (given) cheese to the mix and you have something refreshingly entertaining. The Invisible Maniac works on so many levels and I'm surprised this film hasn't reached cult status yet. A DVD release would be welcomed and if possible, in its unrated European version. According to this (German-language) site one minute of saucy footage was trimmed from the US release. But, even in its edited form it still delivers. Standout moments:

#5 Deep-sub-throat - What a death!
#4 Girl-gym-stomp - What a death, part 2!
#3 Hot air - people pretending (acting?) to be strangled or beaten up by the Invisible Maniac.
#2 Say what? The speech impairment Janitor.
#1 Invisible football jock vs. Invisible Maniac - Incredible invisible fight with unseen state-of-the-art special effects!

SHAKMA (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs Sideways

Professor Sorenson (Roddy McDowall) not only teaches his students how to perform brain surgery on lab animals, he's also the "Master" in role playing adventure games he supervises after class. Location is an animal research facility, and once the players are in character and on their way asking for (invisible) keys to 'unlock' doors and to solve riddles, fun knows no boundaries. Not playing is Shakma, a baboon. Left for dead after an experiment Shakma is dead serious about revenge. Fumed with extreme aggression this mental monkey will do worse things than brain surgery to his prey!

A decent cast consisting of Roddy McDowall, Christopher Atkins and Amanda Wyss stuck in a rather silly plot though. And as in most cases, the animal easily steals the show. Shakma is a fine performer and can be quite threatening at times. Besides that you get a little bloodshed, mauled corpses and more or less well-crafted action scenes. If all that sounds appealing I'd say it's worth a rental or purchase. My copy was priced $5.

BLACK COBRA 3: MANILA CONNECTION (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs up

Robert Malone (Fred Williamson) once again finds himself heading to Manila, this time to help out his best friend's son Lt. Greg Duncan (Forry Smith). Greg is assigned to find missing U.S. Army weapons stolen by underground revolutionists. Possible deposit: a remote camp in the jungles of the Philippines. Joining Greg, and Rob is special agent Tracy Rogers (Debra Ward) - a tough computer wizardess cracking codes, skulls and hearts when needed.

More fights, shootings, explosions and even a pair of boobs but yeah - my cheese detector hardly bleeped. Except during a Night Club scene displaying young Manilian girls in skimpy white bikinis dancing to trashy music. Sleazy. Fred Williamson seemed drained which comes to no surprise since Black Cobra 3: Manila Connection has nothing to surprise the audience with, even though I thought the electric fence-fu was somewhat amusing. Greg trying to break out of a full nelson was another one that made me smile. Ok, that about wraps it up. Almost:

"It wasn't a total loss. Mold came out of the holes."

Word! Thanks Fred.

THE AMITYVILLE CURSE (1990)
IMDb / YouTube
Rating: Thumbs Sideways

I'm sorry to break this to you but that is not the Amityville house. Unless the house shrank half its size and miraculously changed color over the years.
The year is 1990 and were are introduced to yet another Long Island cocktale of things that go bump in the night. This time its a group of friends buying an old house, and in the basement happens to be an old confessional booth in which a priest was murdered 12 years ago. For some reason the booth comes alive and is able to project evil. Frank (Kim Coates) picks up the vibes but it takes awhile until he is fully possessed. So as we wait for stuff to get started we witness other supernatural activities unfolding. Like for example Debbie (Dwana Wightman) who has visions of murder and swinging dead bodies in a tree. Then there is a tarantula crawling around scaring people, and a rabid dog causing commotion. If that is not enough some visiting old lady named Moriatry shows off her gross glass eye.

"There is something evil in this house!"

No shit. This Curse is not evil but dull. Not dull enough to be dismissed though. Dwana Wightman as Debbie is the provider for unintentional humor because her acting gets worse by the minute. Funny. The ending managed to be entertaining when Frank goes on a murder spree butchering everyone in sight. He is stopped by Debbie with flying saw-blades and a nailgun. Ouch.
That said, this Curse is not a total loss but definitely not one of the better Amityville sequels either.